Romans 12:12 says, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” …ugh… 🙂
Seriously! When will I learn! Let’s review, shall we… James 1:2-3 “Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” So I am supposed to be Romans 12:12 “…patient in affliction…” Do you know what another word for perseverance is? Yep, “patience.” In other words (Dee’s words) as I am considering it all joy and being joyful in hope, that will produce patience and I will be patient in affliction. Nope. Not working. Good googely moogely. This healing stuff is for the birds! “Your job is to rest. Be still so your body doesn’t produce too much fluid.” “Stay mobile to increase your range of motion.” All I want to do is get the bowl from the second shelf of the cabinet! (hehehehehe…not like it was easy before surgery, I am 5’3″ on my tall days) I am truly amazed at how the body works. I also have a new found appreciation for those who have had surgery. I promise, it has not been bad. I have been doing very well in the healing process. It’s just that being “patient in affliction” is causing me major growth opportunities!
Please pray for my family. They have to deal with me being home after they have had to deal with work and school. And here is where the problem lies…I am a homemaker. I like being home. But when I’m home, I can do stuff. Simple stuff like laundry and dishes. Did you know that reaching and lifting to do laundry and dishes hurts when you have 2 or 4, 4-6inch tubes inside your chest cavity? Nevermind the hilarity of juggling the bulbs hanging from those tubes coming out of your middle. Oh my goodness…to be a fly on the wall in my house! I am not a coordinated person. But I am a stubborn person. So if you were a fly on my wall you would die from laughing at me trying to do the things I want to do and believe I should be able to do. I have convinced myself I was being good. It may have taken me 4 trips to carry the laundry load to the washer, but by golly I was gonna do it. I wasn’t over-exerting myself. I gently transferred the wet items…sometimes even one at a time…into the dryer. I was behaving! So why was I hurting!!! Nothing a couple Advil couldn’t solve. But do you know what happens to me when I hurt? I stop doing. Do you know what happens when a homemaker stops doing? Nothing…and she gets ornery (is that a northern word?…”grouchy” “cantankerous” got it?). Oh my…I was looking for help from my tired peeps (the family) and (surprisingly) they have not learned to read my mind yet. So when I finally ask for help instead of just “looking” for it, it doesn’t come out kind, nice, or patient. Epic Fail. Haven’t I already confessed how much I learn from my man…now I have to confess my mothering fails?!?! Confession: good for the soul, bad for the reputation. Ugh! Not only am I stubborn and prideful, but impatient too!?!? I’m pretty sure I’m failing this test.
“…the testing of your faith produces endurance (perseverance/patience)…” it just depends on the translation. Either way, I need it. Here is how wikipedia defines patience:
the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on negative annoyance/anger; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.
Ouch. You see, it took just less than 3 weeks for me to break. Now, in my defense, I didn’t yell…but I’m not really a yeller. I’m a grumbler/mumbler under my breath kinda ornery. So…I called a meeting with the man and a separate one with the kiddos. In the meeting I explained my need for help and apologized for my lack of communication in asking for said help. They were very understanding and forgiving. Yep…they have the steadfastness. Now for my learning.
“…patient in affliction…” I actually heard it. I had read it on a prayer card sent from one of the students praying for me. I think he is in the 4th grade. (yeah, go ahead…i went there too…he’s more mature than I am…nice) So, as I am hurting, I hear these words from Romans 12:12. “NO!” was my response. I’m tired of being tired and tired of being uncomfortable. And then there was silence. It was that kind of silence that was deafening. Ugh…again. This is exactly where you need to be, Dee. Weak. UGH!-er! Did I mention I was stubborn? There was a plan…my plan…1 week with 4 drains, 2 weeks for 2 drains. At 2 weeks, all drains gone. But the last 2 drains were not cooperating (right…the drains were not cooperating…go back to the stubborn part). This was not the plan. But it was ok. I’m learning to do life with drains. I can even make them a part of my accessories and go to church! So…I do. Soooo why was I hurting? Why were the drains still full? Hmmmmm. Was I being patient? Nope. Was I was learning? You see, doctors call us their patients because we have to be patient with them and they have to be patient with us…at least that’s where I went. And who is our ultimate healer? God. And what does He tell me to do? “Be patient in affliction.” And how can I pass this test? “be faithful in prayer.” Oh…right.
So I pray. I communicate with God and with my family. And guess what?! It works! Yes, it took 2 1/2 weeks for me to be allowed to publish this post (I started it way back then!), but apparently I had to learn a bit about patience before I could send out a post about patience…the irony. 🙂 I confessed my bad attitude to God. He heard and knew. He took me back to the journal my friends wrote in during my surgery, the prayer cards that are overflowing my closet, and His Word. He reminded me that I am His, He has a plan, and I need to obey. In all that, He gets the glory.
Paul reminds me, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2Cor 12:9-11
HIS grace is sufficient…HIS power is made perfect in weakness. And that brings us back to James. Check out chapter 5 verses 10-11. “…we count as blessed those who have persevered…” Good grief! He goes into patience and Job! Well, I am definitely not going through what Job went through (nor do I want to)! Lord, forgive me for my orneriness. I hear You and know Your plan is always better. May I be faithful to You and faith-filled so others see You in me.
The next doctor’s visit…the tubes came out. It was CRAZY! I was still so tentative, but when I realized there was no pain when I crunched…GLORY!!! I was crunching like crazy! Then the twisting began! 🙂 The doc told me to still take it easy, but I was going to be more comfortable. Praise The Lord! Now, I’m not gonna lie. I over-did it. Tubes came out one night…I was still draining the next day (don’t ask…it’s as nasty as you think)…lots of pressure the 3rd day…I had to be still the 4th…better the 5th. See, even when I get a little “go” I still have to be a patient patient. I’m still learning. When God has me weak, I seek Him. I praise Him in the little things. I see Him in the little things. He just gets bigger. Keep on going in chapter 5. It just gets better…and so will I.
Patience. Now my energy is getting better every day. I even got permission to drive! Don’t worry, my man has my car in the shop, so I still can’t drive…Patience…week 4 has been great! We see the specialist in just 1 more week. Now I’m back to thinking it’s all happening so fast! HA! Did you go back to chapter 5? Read it. “Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” (vs 13-16) Join us (for so many are praying on our behalf). We are praying the docs say no further treatment is necessary. I, very selfishly, don’t want to do chemo or pills. Do I think I can and God can use me? Yes. But, I also want God to speak to and through these docs and all the research that has been done so that they can look at me and say, “no further treatment necessary.” Can I tell you what name will be proclaimed!? Oh what JOY that will bring!