Don’t you just want to start from the beginning sometimes?  I do…a lot.  I find myself going back when I’m confused-to try to find out where I got lost.  Well, this has been a strange week.  The news was good…kinda…but a bit confusing.  So, we go back to the beginning.

We’ve been studying Genesis in Sunday School for a month now.  I love Genesis.  It’s got a lot of the really “fun” children’s Bible history.  You know…creation, the garden, Noah and the flood, the tower of Babel,  Father Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, Joseph and the technicolor dreamcoat…wait…;).  We (the family) have read it multiple times (by the way, free parenting advice here, when you are reading with your pre-teen and teen…it’s a bit awkward at times…it’s not a G-rated book :)) and every time we learn something.  This time is no different.  But, being very honest here, sometimes I just want to read the Bible to read it.  Not have it apply to my life.  Not have it speak to me.  Just enjoy the words on the page…ya know?  But NO…not now, not here, not again.  Between the pastor preaching on the lessons from Joseph and SS…I’m toast.

Humility.  Let’s just start there.  Having breast cancer is very humbling.  I mean, try telling your very naive, curious, and slightly dramatic prepubescent son you have breast cancer.  “What?”  “Where?”  “How’d they find that?”  “You had to WHAT!?”  “They had to WHAT!?”  “Oh my gosh!  You’re gonna DIE!!!”  HAHAHAHAHAHA!  Ok, it was kinda funny.  Leave it to Strongman to bring humor to it.  But seriously, there is no way to exalt yourself when you hear the medical team say, “it was positive for cancer.”   We only had one place to go.  Down.  Humble ourselves and pray.  For us, it’s just where we go.  We learned very early in our marriage that we were nothing and God was everything.  We learned very early in our ministry that we were nothing and God was everything.  My man taught me this.  He thrives in the background.  He is the guy you want on your team because he sees the big picture and then sees all the little things that need to be fixed to make it happen before they need to be fixed.  This is super irritating when you just see the big picture and want to get there.  Ugh!!!  Can I tell you how many times he’s been right!?  “Dee, we’re going to need to do this first.”  “Dee, you’re going to have to wait until this happens.”  “Dee, …”  UGH!!!  And then I have to go back and say “Thanks, you were right…this is perfect.”  OH!  That was so hard to learn!  I am obviously still struggling with it…HA!  But isn’t that exactly what God does time and time again?!  “Let us build a tower ourselves…let us make a name for ourselves…” (Gen. 11:4).  Yeah, self-sufficiency in its supreme state.    And then what does God do?  He goes down to see this thing and throws them a curve ball.  He mixes up the languages so they would scatter.  But wait…wasn’t that what they were supposed to do in the beginning anyway?  “Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth…” (Gen 1:28).  Yep, “thanks, God, you were right…this is perfect.”  (see what I mean!  irritating isn’t it!)  So…humbly we go to God.  We know His promises are true.  We know He sees the big picture and has since the beginning. We know all this will work out for His good and our joy will be made complete.

There was no cancer in the lymph nodes.  They got good, clear margins around the tumors.  The tumors were all small.  They think they got it all.  Well let’s just praise the Lord!  So that’s the good news…and it’s really good news.

Try to stay with me because it gets a little complicated here…this all started with DCIS (stage 0) in the right.  MRI revealed suspicions in left.  That turned out to be IDC (stage 1) in left (it’s also HER2+…that’s the not good kind).  With cancer in both breasts at the same time and me in my early 40’s, docs recommend  removal of both.  Now, it’s my understanding that the “best” cancer to get is DCIS…they use the word “cure”.  We were good there…it’s when lefty came into play that things got complicated.  Then, after the double mastectomy, things got even more complicated.  They found DCIS in both breasts and IDC in both.  But remember, everything is small.  So I am still at stage 1 in both breasts.  I am ER/PR+.  This is good because they can “clean me up” with tamoxifen (a pill for 5 years that reduces the risk of recurrence).  The issue is the HER2+ tumor.  It measured 6mm on the MRI and 4mm in pathology with traces on other slides.  Apparently, anything 5mm + gets chemo and targeted therapy.  So doc doesn’t know if he should go with the 6mm measurement or the 4mm + .  He doesn’t want to miss anything, and he doesn’t want to over treat.  So, he’s sending me back to the specialist.  He wants to get the opinion of someone who may have seen more cases like this.   So, off we go.

I am so excited about hearing the words “no chemo” out of a doc’s mouth.  But I want to be where God wants me.  Humbly I bow…Lord, get me out of the way…I know You’ll make it perfect…You always do.