Psalm 139…do you know it?  I was reminded of it this morning.  It seems to be used most often when valuing life…as it should.  King David seemed to be praising God for His deep love for him.  Anyone worthy of that kind of love from such a mighty God must be someone pretty special.

During one of my last conversations with a special friend she reminded me how important it was to be in His Word.  How much she desired to know His thoughts about her.  How much He knew about her from the very beginning until the very end. “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” (Psalm 139:16 ESV) She trusted Him and His plan even when she didn’t understand because she knew He had her.  She desperately wanted to honor Him even if she didn’t have control of her mind.  She was anxious, but trusting Him with each of her days because He knew her days before there was even one of them.  She was one of the amazing women God placed in my life to show me how to live for Christ in every circumstance of life.  Ms Pat, I miss you often.

You see, today…many hours from now…we will hopefully get our final pathology report.  And I am anxious.  I went to bed thinking about it.  I woke up thinking about it.  I sit here (needing desperately to take a shower) thinking about it.  I am extremely hopeful.  No lymph node involvement, maybe even, “we couldn’t find any cancer!” That would be so cool!  I’m even good with “we found it, it was there, but it was so small there is no need for any further treatment.”  And then I catch myself.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!  And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24 ESV)

Am I trusting?  Am I doubting?  Am I grieving Him?  Will I be ok if they say, “we found traces in the nodes.”  Will I find peace in any treatment plan?

“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” (James 3:17-18 ESV)

Leave it to a younger brother to speak about wisdom in the midst of trials.  James, the bro of Jesus, became a leader in the church.  This book is kinda like a proverb to me.  My younger sister is full of wisdom.  She holds her tongue.  She is peaceable, gentle, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial, and sincere.  It’s kinda a pain being her sister.  You see, Proverbs is full of wisdom advice.  James is filled with practical application of wisdom. The two go hand in hand.  My sister, she takes my hand☺.  God has graciously given me so many examples of wisdom in my life it is mind blowing.

Now, here I am, waiting.  Trusting that God has this.  That I will put my faith into action no matter what the news is.  That “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” (Psalm 112:7)  [Thanks JAW! Perfect timing]

Lord, may I bring honor to You by trusting You – knowing You have each of my days planned, the wisdom I have comes from You and will respond with reason, and that there is no reason to fear…because I trust You. And nothing else is more trustworthy.

Now for laundry and a shower…joy;)